So, remember my last post talking about not taking things personally because other people have their own stuff they carry around? In this post I want to focus on the flip side of the coin: when you want other people to behave in a certain way…
Brooke Castillo over at The Life Coach School calls it The Manual. The Manual is a set of rules you write for another person to follow…in your head! Usually the other person does not have a clue about these rules you have created for them. You decide how they must act and behave and then you get upset when they don’t. Does this sound familiar? We have this idea in our head that if they behave the way we want then it will make us happy. Is this realistic?
We often create this manual subconsciously and then we don’t understand what upsets us so when that person reacts differently. Don’t you think this is a setup for a disaster? I agree.
The thing is, you cannot control other people. And another thing, other people are not responsible for your happiness. You have to start taking responsibility for yourself. I have a friend who always says: “The only adult I’m responsible for, is myself!” You cannot take responsibility for other people’s thoughts and actions. And the quicker you realise this, the better.
Brooke says, “The reason why you ever want someone else to change the way that they’re behaving is because of how you think you will feel because of their changed behavior.” The operative word here is “think”. You need to learn to control your own thoughts. Become aware of them. Become aware of how you react to your thoughts.
Your emotions is a direct outflow of your thoughts. An emotion cannot materialise without a thought happening in your brain. This is a physiological fact! Your brain needs to spark a thought before the hormone for the emotion can be excreted. so, control your own thoughts. Become aware of them. This will help you become aware of the manuals you are writing for others in your head as well. Just be aware.